Tears of all sorts

When Liam Naps, or when I'm alone in the evenings, or when I'm lying in bed trying to go to sleep is when I think.  I'm sure this is typical of most people, but to me thinking has been hard.

As I think tears typical start rolling down my cheeks.  Sometimes sad tears, hurting tears, grateful tears, aching tears, frustrated tears, hating tears, laughing tears, anxious tears, regretting tears, tired tears, and some times just tears.  Tears that are full of some emotion that I can't even begin to put my finger on.

And then Liam wakes up, or I wake up, or the phone rings, or I pick myself up off the couch b/c something needs to get done.  And the tears have to stop.  And life goes on.  Whether I like it or not it does... for better or worse. 

Sometimes I let the sun soak into my face, or make Liam laugh, or talk with a friend, or give Sean a hug, or look at pictures of Neil and feel hope and happiness.  I try not to feel quilt for feeling happiness, but sometimes do.

I will see my baby again.  Not soon enough, but I will.  For this knowledge I am so eternally grateful.  How could I go on without knowing that someday I will be reunited with him?!  I am grateful for Jesus Christ, for his atoning sacrifice so that we can be together again.  The Lords plan is real, it is true.  We Lived with God before we came to earth.  We came here and received a body of flesh and bones.  Once we die our spirit returns to our Heavenly Father and our body stays here. One day our bodies will be resurrected and reunited with our spirit.  One day, if we live righteously, WE CAN be with our families together forever.  Of this I know.  I feel it so strongly. 

And of course a picture of our baby Neil, and our big boy Liam. The ever more urgent and pressing reason I need and want to be better and do better.