These past few week have seemed to pass in a sort of a haze or fog. A fog I want to get out of, but at the same time don't.
One of the few conversations I remember having at Neil's Funeral (sorry everyone else I talked to) was with 2 of my cousins, Cassi and Kayla. As we stood in the foyer of the church I remember saying, "if only we could be kids again playing on Grandpa's farm building forts and running wild and free through the fields. No worries or cares in the world". To this Cassi wisely responded, "oh Anna I know exactly what you mean, but at the same time you wouldn't take any of this back would you"? (she said something to this effect). After honestly reflecting on her comment I said, "no, no I sure wouldn't".
Even though all of this is the hardest, hardest thing I/we have ever been through I have often times thought back on the conversation with Cassi and Kayla. I would never take back the time I had with Neil. Does that make sense? No matter how hard it is now, how hard it was, and will continue to be, I am so eternally grateful for him. For our baby boy. For the time I had with him in the womb. For the time I had to hold him and love him in my arms, and for the time I will have with him in the eternities.
So I'll say it one more time. No, no I sure wouldn't take any of it back.
1 comment:
You are amazing. I am grateful that you got time with your sweet little guy and I am strengthened by your courage. Your life will forever be blessed having known Neil. I was talking with a woman who lost her husband today about grief and we talked about how grief is a by-product of love. Because you love Neil you will always feel the pain of his loss. Your courage to press forward with that pain and find meaning in the loss is what inspires us all. I love you and wish there was something I can do to help, but I have all the confidence in the world in you and your ability to navigate through your grief. Thanks for sharing Neil with us and for telling your story.
Post a Comment